Bompa

Bompa,

For a long time I stared at a blank page. So many emotions are racing through my body that I don't know what to write.

I'm actually a little angry.

Angry that you couldn't accept your illness. Angry because you didn't want to fight it and let the pain take over your life. For the last 3 years you have been but a shadow of that energetic, proud person you once were. Never will I be able to fully understand what this disease did to you... Maybe that is why I am so angry, angry with ignorance. Angry because I couldn't take away the pain and make time stand still. Angry for being too selfish and not wanting to let you go.

On the other hand, I then feel relieved.

Relieved because you didn't have to suffer too long. That you could pass away gently. That you gave us the chance to say goodbye.

I have regrets.

Regret because I saw "time" as something infinite and therefore delayed "time" with us together too often. We shouldn't just dwell on moments like this and look back at our lives. Because before you know it, it's done.

But most of all, I am grateful.

Grateful that my children and the love of my life, Stijn, got to know you. That your name will live on in my name. That I will carry your life lessons with me forever.

With a smile I look back to my youth, in which you played a leading role. My grandfather, my godfather was once in the army and had a rose tattooed on his arm when he was drunk. I've heard this story a thousand times but it never got boring. I don't know anyone who could tell a story or a joke as captivated and with pleasure, as you did.

Thank you for being such a dear grandfather to all the grandchildren and great-grandchildren. One who always showed interest and was so concerned about us. Thank you for the many wonderful memories.

Maybe I never really said it out loud, but I love seeing you bompa!

I will miss you but I will never forget you.

Sleep tight!