Dear brother Marc, Twin part of me ...

May 7th, 2020

Dear brother Marc, twin part of me....

A rain of sorrow I encountered, since May 7, 2020. An indelible date become, to celebrate the birth of our Dad on May 7, 1921 and to say goodbye to you in this life.

A century earlier, when Miel the sexton in Holsbeek was allowed to take his first infant Clement Wynants in his arms, I still miss your company. It doesn't let me go, thinking of you every day. There is no place yet to allow acceptance, let alone resign myself to it. And yet I know and feel that this is necessary to give it a gifted place. The peace of soul I so long for.

Pretty soon after your passing here, I played "Over the rainbow" on my harmonica. It struck me deeply and all I could think about was you. That intensity... it still feels like one and the same, the two of us! Each in our own place. My notes sought you so eagerly and wanted to embrace you, to hold you, as long as the song lasted... that's why I played it several times....

It continues to hurt. A rainbow that apparently wants to make a bridge between you and me and I sometimes crave this path. A desire to touch you, which was not allowed on the last visit to your hospital bed. It still falters.

In so many ways I keep playing this song; again and again to perpetuate the contact, to immortalize ... my love for you . Sound color and timbre as I feel it. The brusqueness in going away at covid -19 and the protective measures for me and others, do not give me peace and keep me off balance.

And yet a time will come, I tentatively believe at least, when earth and heaven, the real world and the supernatural meet. My frenetic holding learns to let go and I can say that it is good the way it is. Still a ways to go...

Our mother Amanda could not put it more beautifully in what she wrote to our father in 1941:

Far from d'eyes

Far from the heart,

As the saying goes.

But I don't agree with that.

You can boast

And 'k say unbenched:

The further from 't eyes

The closer to the heart!

Thanks for being you, me

And I, your I, keep discovering....

2 = 1 = 2

Jan